What Happened To You Book review
I’LL ADMIT that I didn’t know a lot about trauma and how it shows up in our lives. Until very recently I considered it a heavy topic related to extreme experiences like abuse, or war. I held the assumption that trauma had to be a big, gigantic event to be experienced.
After reading this book I realized I missed out on a lot. One of the things I’ve learned is that the majority of the people around the world carry some form of trauma. It’s wild to think about—but most people have something they’re working through. In a way, it’s also strangely comforting—as if we’re all in it together, just doing our best to figure things out.
I’ve also learned that we don’t need to have experienced the deeply distressing moment ourselves, to be traumatised—which was also new to me. I’ve now learned that we can inherit trauma from our loved ones in quiet, unspoken ways—like a parent’s deep fear of financial instability or the habit of staying silent during conflict.
But trauma also shows up in ways I never really considered before—like how the smell of a teacher’s deodorant instantly brings the kid back to the tension of his dad’s bad mood at home. It’s impressive how the past lingers in the smallest details and also comes out in unexpected, sometimes subtle ways.
In other words, the book What Happened To You? really stuck with me, and I highly recommend reading it. The message about trauma is important to all of us, as it touches on key parts of the human experience. This book is for everyone who wonders how trauma shows up in our lives and for those who are interested in the path toward healing. But most of all, it can help us gain insights to a more meaningful, fulfilled life.
In the introduction of the book Oprah writes about its core message:
“Through this lens, we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”
Throughout the book, Oprah Winfrey engages in an ongoing conversation with psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry, asking questions about trauma, resilience, and how we can heal from our deepest pains. To explore the topic in depth, several personal stories and examples from Dr. Perry’s work are shared, which are then placed within a broader scientific context.
Perry shares, for example, how the brain helps the individual cope with overwhelming stress. He explains that the brain operates in different layers, and once triggered, many parts of the brain shut off — it essentially goes into default mode. In this state, a person can only experience basic senses like touch, smell, and sound. This shift is the brain’s way of helping the individual cope with stress, essentially putting the body into a state where it can react quickly to immediate danger. So when stress levels rise, the areas responsible for logical thinking temporarily deactivate.
One thing I found particularly interesting is how our brain doesn’t seem to recognize the passage of time. While the mind may move forward, the body retains the memory. So, when someone is triggered later in life, their emotional response can be just as intense as it was during the original traumatic moment, even if that event happened years ago. In other words, trauma is not just stored in the brain but also in the body itself.
The book also does an amazing job of weaving together stories that feel so relatable, while also offering insights into why people act and feel the way they do after experiencing trauma. I couldn’t get enough of the examples Dr. Perry shares from his own work—each one gave me a deeper understanding of the impact trauma can have.
I’ve also come to realize that our world exists of a multitude of “labels”, ranging from overachievers to people-pleasers or even people who tend to be easily offended. While the behavior can look like an overreaction to outsiders, the body’s response is completely normal and is rooted in what happened to them earlier in life. While we often ask ourselves what’s ‘wrong’ with us or the people we look at, we might do better by asking ourselves what happened to the person whose life we haven’t lived.
After reading the book, I realized just how many things in life are connected and that everyone is on their own unique journey of healing and growth. So much from our childhood sticks with us and a lot of times, trauma shows up in ways we don’t even realize—often more subtly than we think. These experiences shape how we move through the world as adults. We develop a worldview based on what we’ve been through. This way, we don’t always see the world as it truly is, but as we believe it is.
By shifting the question from “What’s wrong with that person?” to “What happened to them?”, we start to see trauma differently—as a response to life experiences. The book reminds us, again and again, that empathy can help us to let go of persistent judgments.
I’d love to hear your thoughts after you’ve read it!
Find What Happened to you on My Bookshelf, or purchase through Waterstones, Bol, or Amazon. For more books that I read, head over to the full list of book recommendations. Leave a book review yourself, or check out what others have said about this book.
What Happened to You by Oprah and Dr. Perry made it onto my very exclusive list of favorite psychology reads—aka books that have genuinely shifted something in me. If you’re curious, you can check out the rest of my hand-picked recommendations over on my Bookshelf. (This review might include affiliate links—so if you decide to snag a copy through one of them, I may earn a tiny commission. No extra cost to you, just makes my work possible)
